You Must Control the Frame

You must control the frameWhat exactly is a frame and how do we control it? In every interaction you have with another person, one of you will be reacting more than the other. One person will have a stronger presence or frame than the other. This is a neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) term and inner game tactic that makes you unwavering to anything and guide the interaction.

Have you ever noticed when two or more people are talking, there is at least 1 person or a few that seem to stand out and be more sure of themselves and be more in control of the situation? They are usually less reactive to what other people are saying or think, while the other people are more reactive to them. This is true for any type of relationship, be it a business negotiation or casual encounter. These people are like the solid rock in the environment, while others are more like tumbleweeds blowing in the wind.

Having a strong frame will allow you to get away with a lot of things you normally wouldn’t and it is essential to game. You can cut in front of line of a few people for a cup of coffee, blatantly shoplift in a grocery store (I don’t condone this) or walk inside a private event without being invited or known. The main thing is to have more certainty than the other person.

One of my most memorable and first moments of using frame control was when I invited my date to this upscale rooftop lounge in New York City. We met outside the venue and I greeted her with a hug and a kiss then lead her to the entrance.  This lounge is one of my favorites in the city. I’ve been to this place a few times before on a Thursday night and normally I would just walk right in.

However, this time, when I walked past the entrance, I was greeted by some huge, muscular security guy in a suit with an earpiece. He asked me, “Are you here for the (blah blah) event?”

Certainty signIn my mind I’m thinking, “I had no idea there was an event tonight!”

I just looked at him straight in the face, stone cold, smiled, and with absolute certainty, “Yes.”

He said, “Right this way sir…” as he pointed to a girl with an iPad behind the velvet ropes, “…check in with her.”

We are living the future guys… the gatekeepers no longer have clipboards… but iPads and hover-boards.

I walked straight over with my date and with a big smile, said to the second line of defense, “Hi.”

She smiled and replied, “Hello sir, I will check you in here, what is your name?”

I said my full name and she scanned across her iPad screen, then with a confused look as she is still looking, “I’m sorry, I can’t seem to find your name..” I did not say anything. I just continued to hold the frame and looked at her politely as if I’m just waiting for her to find my name so we can move along.

She finally asked, “Did you get your tickets online?”

I responded without hesitation, “Yes, my friend just recently bought them for me so it could be under a different name.”

She then asked, “OK, what is his name?”

I replied my friend’s name who is a well-known club promoter that I know as I knew it would provide some creditability and make it more believable. Coincidentally, she said , “Oh! Yes I know him, he runs the charity and has donated to us.” It’s good to have influential social circle.

She looked at her iPad once more, then looked at me, then behind her. She then squinted with one eye, smiled and said, “You know, you two can just head up.”  Keeping it cool and not needy, I asked her, “OK, are you sure?”  She nodded and said, “Yea, don’t worry about it.”  I then showed my appreciation and thanked her by her name as my date and I took the elevator to the private event on the rooftop lounge.  On the outside I was cool as a cucumber, but on the inside I’m like…

Holy shit! I’m fucking AWESOME!!

dancing private party
Who’s awesome? You’re awesome.

We walked into a very upscale private event that was promoting green energy or nature preservation due to the banners I saw.  I didn’t really pay much attention or ask anybody as I still wanted to keep the frame that I’m here for the event.

Funny enough, I actually bumped into my club promoter friend who I mentioned earlier at the event!  It was a big surprise to me at the time on how big of a coincidence. Looking back now, there is a metaphysical component that caused this.

Of course my date did not know there was an event either and assumed everything I said was true as well. I introduced her to various people I cold approached throughout the venue as well as my club promoter friend.  After we got some drinks at the free open bar, I then isolated and kissed my date at some reserved table that was empty as we just sat down like it was reserved for us

We talked for a bit and I decided to tell how I’m still processing the fact how we got in. Surprised, she asked why and I tell her the truth. She didn’t really seem to care or notice. She was still so engrossed in my reality that she still perceives me as some high status and value male that just knows a lot of people and has access a lot of things. I pulled her later that event. Framing, perception and how you view reality, can have a very powerful effect on your life and you can achieve many things that you want that you didn’t think were possible before.

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