What’s the difference between the guys that get laid constantly and the guys that don’t? It’s the persistence to wage in the war of attrition. They are the last man standing…
Imagine you are at a bar with your friends. You have a few drinks, have a good time and talk to some girls. You hit it off well with one of the girls.
She’s laughing, touching your arm and qualifying herself to you.
Then, for whatever reason, you end up talking to some other people at the bar. You then start getting tired and decide to call it a night.
Before you leave, you decide to find the girl who was having a good time with you earlier and get her number.
You search around the place and find her with some friends. She’s happy to see you again and you tell her that you want to see her again sometime. You exchange numbers, give her a hug and leave…
Little do you know, she had also been talking to some other guys throughout the night. She starts becoming more attracted to them due to the mere-exposure effect and spending more time with them.
Eventually the bar starts to close down. The lights start turning back on and people squint there eyes trying to look for their friends in a drunken haze.
Your girl is walking around the bar trying to find her friends and then some other guy she talked to earlier bumps into her and they start getting close.
They kiss and then her friends find her. The friends approve of the new guy since she likes him and they talked with him a bit earlier and he seemed cool and friendly so they trust him.
They all end up going to after-party later and a few minutes later, your girl and this guy are having sex in one of the bedrooms.
What’s the difference between you and this guy? Even if you had better game than him, she liked both of you, but he was willing and able to stay until the end and hookup with her (or someone else). He won the war of attrition.
What Is The War Of Attrition?
One of my favorite books, “The Selfish Gene” by Richard Dawkin’s, explains a concept called the War of Attrition in chapter 5, Aggression: Stability and the Selfish Machine. Here is a quote from that chapter:
“Suppose all such individuals worked out in advance exactly how much time they thought a particular kind of resource, say a female, was worth. A mutant individual who was prepared to go on just a little bit longer would always win.”
This is such a fascinating concept and explains the idea of staying in set in evolutionary biology terms. You should know by now that staying in set is crucial if you want to get laid, but this explains it from a competitive standpoint.
Does this mean we need to be mutants in order to get the female?
Haha…if staying in set relied on our genes, then those predetermined to leave early might be screwed (and not in a good way).
Fortunately, we are conscious beings and can make the decision on how long we are willing to stay out and work for something.
We are always estimating how much time and effort is required to achieve something, such as getting a same-night-lay or a girlfriend.
Sometimes logistics aren’t right and you genuinely don’t have time to stay so we just get the number and leave, or you lose her and not get the number at all.
Other times we may come up with lame excuses and leave early. Have you ever said one of these things to convince yourself to leave a place that has women?
“This place sucks! There aren’t enough people here.”
“I need to get up for work tomorrow. I should leave.”
“I’m really tired. I should get some sleep.”
“Boy, am I hungry! This place is getting boring anyway. I think I’ll get some food on the way home.”
Most of these excuses are usually not valid. Chances are there are still women you can talk to and potentially bring home that night. You’ll most likely won’t starve if you stay a bit longer or pass out if you don’t get some shut eye.
The only excuse that may be valid is getting up for work the next day.
However, even then you have to balance out if you want to get laid or be a little sleepy the next day for work. Many professionals here in NYC go out on the weekdays until 3-4am and go to work the next morning. It’s up to you.
The other valid excuse to leave a venue could be to go to a more target rich environment. Decide what is the best use of your time. If you can get more opportunity and practice in a venue with more people, then game there instead.
Weigh the benefits of staying to get laid or leaving early to get food or sleep.
If you are out and there are women around, the probability of getting laid is greater than zero, while staying home is practically zero (unless you have a booty call or something).
Evolution Of The Poker Face
You have to realize that just because you are staying out late, doesn’t guarantee that you will get laid. You must control the frame, remain somewhat aloof but still be having fun and moving things forward without getting too attached.
There are a few things that can go wrong if you are deliberate in your intentions in an uncalibrated way. Here is another great quote from “The Selfish Gene”:
“…individuals should give no inkling that they are about to give up… The poker face would evolve.”
In this context, Richard Dawkin’s is referring not showing your male competition you’re about to give up. If we show any hint of backing down, then that would signal the other guys that they could just wait it out a little longer and get the girl.
This might be true with humans, but I would also like to add that having the “poker face” will also help you build more attraction with the girl while destroying the competition’s value. The poker face in this instance would be…
Holding The Frame
If you are needy or show too much eagerness to get her alone with you, then her attraction for you will start to dwindle and you are showing your cards to everyone around you, which will put her on the spot and be uncomfortable.
If you remain non-reactive and just continually add fun and positive energy to the interaction, then others may want to hang out or help you and the competition usually won’t get in your way.
Sometime you will have to befriend her guy friends if needed so they trust you. You shouldn’t ignore these guys because that would be rude and she’ll choose them over you because she’s known them longer.
If it’s just some guy she met or a new guy that is trying to approach her, you can naturally hold the frame by being non-reactive.
The guy who reacts the most has the least value and she will gravitate towards the man with the stronger frame.
You can qualify the girl and ignore the guy. If he’s asking you a question, you could give him very little investment, like a one-word answer, and then talk to girl.
The more he tries to re-engage with you but it doesn’t require a response from either you or the girl, the more his value and attraction from the girl will fall.
They will usually just give up and walk away. You can even move your girl to another part of the venue and ditch the guy to get isolation with your girl.
Isolation To The Sex Location
The only way you will be able to have sex with a girl is when you are alone and isolated with her at some private location. If you stay in set long enough, then you are bound to end up at a sex location sooner or later.
You don’t have to go straight to her place or yours after whatever social gathering you met her at. You can bounce her somewhere else like a dinner to get food, or drinks at another bar or after-party.
As long as you keep the set moving on the path that will bring your closer to the sex location, then you will have more time to game her, figure out logistics and get some alone time with her.
Sometimes you can just show up right when the bars are about to close and rapidly escalate when her buying temperature is already high and pull her then.
I was gaming at this rooftop club in NYC and dancing on the dance floor when the club was starting to close. The lights turned on and I had lost the set I was with earlier that night (mistake on my part), but I wasn’t about to bow down now.
I saw a girl dancing on the dance floor with a few guys dancing near her but none of them engaged with her. I then quickly approached somewhat directly.
I actually thought I knew her but realized she was someone else. The way I approached seemed very direct to her and she was receptive. Sometimes the direct approach at this time is better when her BT is higher and she’s hornier.
I got introduced to some of her friends and we all started walking towards the elevators and out to the streets outside the club.
I asked what they were up to afterward and they were still trying to figure it out. I stayed in and just went with the flow. If I had a place in the city, I would have invited them back there to make things easier.
I had mini-isolation with my girl outside as her friends were still inside. I used this opportunity to kiss her so her friends wouldn’t see and she wouldn’t feel judged.
Once her friends came out, they were still deciding on where to go to next. Then one of her friends said that we can have an after-party at her place in Brooklyn.
All of her friends went in one cab and my girl asked me if I wanted to get in a separate cab and follow them. I remained non-needy and told her it would be easier if we got in a cab together in case we got separated or lost.
She then hopped in a cab with me and we followed her friends in the other cab. We got to Brooklyn and stopped in front of her friend’s place.
We drank and had an after-party for a bit. I pre-seeded the pull by suggesting that we get food around here (so we could go to my girl’s place in Brooklyn). My girl was down to get food so we left with her other friend who lived nearby.
We said goodbye to her friends and hopped in a Uber back to her place. We dropped off her friend first and then looked for a place to eat near her place.
There wasn’t any place open, but I had pre-seeded earlier about watching Netflix at her place. She was totally down for that, so we went back to her place and “chilled”.
There is a good chance that other guys were trying to game her at the club as well that night, but they didn’t stay in and end up with her at the end of the night. Either they didn’t have enough game, patience or both.
I was the last man standing at the right time.
I had learned about this concept before I read “The Selfish Gene” from one of my mentors, Michael Sartain. He talked about attrition game, which is essentially staying in set and being the last man standing at the end of the night.
We all have limited time and resources and make calculations on how much effort is required of something and take action accordingly.
Are you really that tired or could you get some caffeine or get yourself in state so you can get laid?
You can have the best game in the world, but if you aren’t willing to game until the bitter end and have the right logistics, then you are seriously limiting you chances on getting laid. If you want sex, then stay in set!