The Art of Conversation Part 1 | Creating a Unique Interaction

Man talking with girl at loungeOne of the most common sticking points guys have is that they keep running out of things to say. They don’t know how to keep a conversation going after the initial interaction. Once you get the approach and open down, you may get the girl engaged in for a bit, but then the conversation falls flat.

Imagine you see a beautiful woman you want to approach. She is sitting down outside a coffee shop on a warm, sunny afternoon and reading her book while sipping on coffee. You decide to open her and the following conversation ensues…

You: Hi.
Her: Hello.

You: I just had to come over and introduce myself because I would have regretted it for the rest of the day if I hadn’t.
Her: Ooh, thank you!

You: My name is ______.
Her: I’m _______.

You: What kind of coffee are you drinking?
Her: Pumpkin spice latte.

You: That’s cool, so what do you do?
Her: I’m an engineering student.

You: Where do you study?
Her: University of _______.

You: Nice, do you like it?
Her: Yeah…

You: What year are you?
Her: Sophomore…

guy gaming girl at cafeShe begins to lose interest and the conversation slowly fades. You try to recover and ask for her phone number, but she tells you she had a boyfriend or she doesn’t give out her number. Does this sound familiar? The conversation went well in the beginning, but fizzled out. Can you figure out why this happened?

If you said that there were too many questions being asked, you are partially right. Read the conversation again, and you will see that it looks more like an interview. It’s not really that you asked too many questions, it’s how you asked them and what you said, or I should say the lack of what you said, in between the questions that caused the interaction to slowly disappear. Here is the same interaction as before but with the right conversation structure…

You: Hi.
Her: Hello.

You: I just had to come over and introduce myself because I would have regretted it for the rest of the day if I hadn’t.
Her: Ooh, thank you!

You: My name is ______.
Her: I’m _______.

You: You look like you are really enjoying that coffee there! What kind of coffee are you drinking?
Her: Oh, it’s pumpkin spice latte, my favorite!

You: Oh my god! I love having that this time of year! Nothing beats drinking a hot, pumpkin spice latte on a windy day like today…
Her: Oh yes, I know! I come here almost everyday for the same coffee, haha…

You: I can tell, haha… what are you reading there?
Her: Haha, well I’m reading this book on engineering to study for my exam.

You: Awesome! One of my best friends is studying engineering at University of _______, and she enjoys it. How are you liking it?
Her: Oh I love it! I’m in my second year and just recently got into the really interesting subjects. I also go to the same school. What is your friend’s name? I might know her…

Wow! Look at the difference! Just by changing a few minor things, you are able to make the conversation so much better. Can you spot what was done differently?  I’ll breakdown and analyze the conversation and explain the principles behind this so you will always be able to carry a conversation and never run out of things.

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15 Replies to “The Art of Conversation Part 1 | Creating a Unique Interaction”

    • Thanks Chris! Some guys don’t pay attention to the words she is saying or disregard it and talk about whatever he wants, instead of creating a mutual conversation that is meaningful to both.

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