You see a beautiful woman standing by the bar. She is staring at you, wanting you to approach her. What is the best way to open her? This is called the cold approach because she doesn’t really anything about you and you are starting from scratch. Warm approach is where she already knows you through friends or through mere-exposure. We will be focusing on the cold approach here and are going to start breaking down the interaction from beginning to end.
If you’ve been following my posts for a while, you may have been thinking, “Will, this is all fine and dandy, but how do I approach?” Well, I’m glad you asked. Let’s dive into the approach so you can start building relationships with amazing women. If you feel nervous about opening learn how to annihilate approach anxiety.
There are two main categories of the cold approach: Direct and Indirect. I bet you can guess the difference between the two. There are a few sub categories within those two so everything can be described as indirect or direct. Let’s start with the indirect approach.
Indirect openers are great because it’s high success rate. You can open anytime, anywhere without displaying your interest or intentions right away. It is low risk and low reward, but you will have more success in the long run. They are also very useful when you are first starting out in game as it is less pressure and build’s up your conversational skills. Below are the sub categories of indirect openers:
Functional Openers (OK)
Functional openers are really simple and easy. They are basically common questions you may be asking her like directions or the time. She cannot “reject” you because you are asking a non-invasive question. Some examples:
“Hi, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?”
“Hi, do you have the time?”
“Hi, do you know where I can find the train station?”
As you can see, these are pretty basic and pretty boring, but they get the job done on opening especially if you are new. Begin with these when you are starting out to get comfortable on opening. You’ll see that most people are pretty friendly and open to talk and be social.
Complimentary Openers (Good)
Once you are comfortable with functional openers, work your way up to compliments. Complimentary openers are also pretty good on whether you’re new to game, or just to warm up on approaches on the day or night because of their high success rate. These openers might even fall into the direct category depending on the degree that you use it. This essentially allows you to compliment on something interesting they are wearing, style or fashion sense.
“I love that dress! That is one of my favorite colors.”
“I like your shoes! They are quite trendy.”
“Hi, I just have to say that l love the style of your hair! It’s so modern.”
It is important you add a reason why you like something so it appears more as a genuine compliment. It is also important that you don’t comment on her physical beauty unless you are going direct and you’re confident on your approach.
Opinion openers were one of the most popular openers back in the early days of the pick-up community. You would open a set with either a scripted routine or a real legitimate question that would create and very interesting conversation among everybody. The most effective topics for opinion openers would be something related to drama, relationships or anything deemed “chick-crack”. Like the previous openers, it is essential that you had a justification as to why you are asking the question so they don’t think you are taking a survey or something. Here are some examples:
Who Lies More? Opener
“Hey guys, I got a quick question, who do you think lies more? Men or women?”
(wait a couple seconds for a response then continue…)
“The reason I’m asking is because I recently read a study in a magazine that women lie more than men, is that true?!”
(girls give their opinion and then you transition)
** Warning ** This is probably the most common scripted opinion opener so you will mostly likely get called out on it, but it shows the basics of an interesting opinion opener.
“Hey guys, I need your opinion on something, would you date a guy who is still friends with his Ex?”
(wait a couple seconds for their response then continue…)
“Because my friend over there…”
(point at your friend across the bar)
“has been dating this girl for a few months and she feels uncomfortable that he is still friends with his Ex, should she be?”
(wait to hear their side, it doesn’t really matter what they as long as you make a short comment on their response and continue…)
“…interesting. Well the thing is that he still keeps a shoebox of pictures of of him and his Ex, underneath his bed…and one day, his current girlfriend found this shoebox and pictures, and is now is telling him to throw away the pictures. What do you guys think?”
(the girls get all excited and gush out all their opinions and feelings…)
“Oh my God! Look at you guys, you are just like The View!”
(then you transition…)
** Warning ** This is probably the 2nd most popular opinion opener so you may get called out on it, but it just shows the effectiveness of these.
In the end, it is just better to pick an opinion opener that comes from your life. I am not a fan of routines unless they are your own routines, which you will develop over time. However, for some newbies, these can be good training wheels for a while if you have absolutely no idea what to say. You can also get good ideas and topics to talk about by reading women’s magazines, celebrity gossip, relationships, pop culture, etc.
Opinion openers can work but I prefer to use them during the conversation after I have already built some rapport to make it seem more natural as people do not usually ask complete strangers their opinion on personal matters right away.
Situational Openers (Best)
This is the most effective opener if done right because it is something that is already on her mind. She is already in that state and will enjoy having a conversation she was just thinking about based on environment or situation. You observe something funny or interesting around you and you make a comment on it to her. Here are some situational examples.
(At a busy bar trying to order a drink next to a girl who is also trying to order a drink)
“I feel like I need to flash my chest just to order a drink here!”
(A girl almost trips and falls while walking on cobblestones with high heels in the early night)
“Hey it’s too early for that! You need to be at least a little tipsy and feet sore from the dancing tonight!”
“Don’t worry, nobody saw that!”
(A taxi honks almost knocks over a guy on a bike in a busy city)
“Oh my god! What a raging lunatic! Did you see that?”
(wait for her response, then transition)
I hope you can see the effectiveness of situational openers. These are just examples to give you an idea of what you can say in those situations. Once you feel comfortable opening with the previous types of indirect openers and start practicing opening in different situations, these will become easier. The main thing is to say whatever is on your mind and be creative. If your are not creative, don’t worry, it will start to become naturally more spontaneous the more you practice.
Direct openers can be great because they are a lot of fun and you can get results quickly. You open by explicitly stating your interest from the get- go. It is high risk with high reward, but may have lower success rate. If you do it right, you will come off as confident and very attractive because of it. Not many girls get approached correctly and directly by men, especially during the day, so you automatically stand out. You basically go up to the girl and make it obvious that you are hitting on her in a calibrated way. Some examples of direct openers:
“Hi, I just had to come over and introduce myself to you because I would have regretted for the rest do the day if I hadn’t.”
“Hi, I just have to say that I love your style and think you’re really cute.”
“Hi, I noticed you at the corner of my eye and just had to say hello.”
You will get positive reactions and instant IOIs (Indicators of Interest) if you do this right. You should only do direct game once you feel comfortable and confident with all the other type of openers. You may fail a few times in the beginning, especially if you aren’t warmed up, so don’t get discouraged. Direct openers are my favorite because I like to cut to the chase, save time, and say whatever is on my mind, which usually indicates I’m attracted to the girl and I want to state it.
Those are the basic types of openers in a nutshell. If you are starting out, you should focus on just practicing as much openings as you can until you feel comfortable or bored. Then you focus on transitioning and having unique and longer conversations, breaking rapport to build attraction, qualifying her to get investment and solidify attraction, and escalating to develop a sexual relationship. You will get better and start having the relationships you want in no time. What other ways can you start a conversation?