Physical Escalation Part 1 – Start Small

How do you build a connection with a girl? You can f just swoon her with words alone. All humans need physical comfort. We need physical contact with someone to have those good feelings. Even as babies, we needed this to survive. There was a study I heard in my psychology class in school that separated groups of babies after birth and showed the effects of nurturing infants differently. One group only received basic human needs like food, shelter, etc. The other group received the basic needs as well as physical touch such as holding them and rocking them. The group of babies that didn’t received the physical comfort did not survive while the other group did. We need physical comfort.

escalation arm around girl's shoulder

In order for you to build a solid connection with a woman, you are going to eventually have to make physical contact. How do you this?

You start small and you start right away.

You need to break the physical barrier as soon as you can. Why? You sooner to start, the sooner you can escalate and it won’t feel weird when you start touching her because you’ve already had. It just feels normal to touch each other because that’s just the type of people you are. What are some ways to initiate touch?

When people introduce each other, you shake hands and exchange names. This is normal human convention and you are already establishing trust and rapport. I don’t usually introduce myself early unless I’m pre-opening (to warm up and/or build social proof) and don’t plan on staying in the conversation long (for now, but may return later). I like for them to ask for my name usually. This usually happens rather early in the interaction when I’m giving a lot of positive energy and fun at the start of the interaction. They find me interesting and start asking me questions. Other times I give them a high-five when they say something I like or they are investing. High-fives are fun and require low compliance in the interaction. Everybody loves high-fives and there is a very low chance somebody will turn down a high-five. I don’t think I’ve ever been turn down for a high-five unless the person had a really horrible day.

escalation ladderThere is an escalation ladder that you can use throughout the interaction. You can go higher on the ladder based on where you are in the interaction or the amount of investment you are receiving from her. You want to reward her investment by reciprocating with kinesthetic touch (kino). She will feel good investing towards you and will continue to invest towards you to receive those good feelings. You can also find excuses to touch her by commenting on her jewelry, clothing, hair, etc, but these are less effective than reciprocating her investment with touch.

Here is a typical escalation ladder that I use (you don’t have to go in order or go through all of them)…

1. Shake hands
2. High-five
3. Side-hug
4. Hug
5. Walking / leading arm-in-arm
6. Side-hug with kiss on cheek
7. Hug with kiss on cheek
8. Hand holding / leading by hand
9. Hug / side-hug with kiss on two cheeks or her forehead
10. Kiss on lips

There is the escalation ladder in nutshell. You will have to micro-calibrate based on the responses you are receiving on from her. She may not be receptive the higher you go up on the ladder. That’s OK. Just take a step back, continue gaming and try again later when you’ve built some more attraction / comfort and reward her investments. Once you are comfortable with basic escalation you can move on and learn some advanced escalation.

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