You won’t be able to have sex with her without compliance. In the previous post, I explained what compliance is and why you should build it. There are several factors that contribute to it.
Her investment in the interaction, buy-in to a large compliance test (such as going back to your place), the environment, her mood and how calibrated you are, all play a major role in building compliance.
Now that you know what compliance is and why you should build it, let’s talk about how you can build compliance.
How To Build Compliance?
The way you build compliance is through a reward and punishment system.
You are basically rewarding her for good behavior and punishing her bad behavior that doesn’t lead the interaction to where you want it to go. This is called operant conditioning.
The punishment isn’t done in a mean or harmful way. You’re being fun and playful about it and you’re giving her the opportunity to win you over again if she’s done some behavior you want to correct.
How do you perform the reward and punishment system to build compliance?
Investment By Qualification And Breaking Rapport
Investment is the name of the game. Brand it into your mind. It is the foundation of all that you will receive from pickup. The nectar of attraction. The essence of of women vying and working for you. Get investment and you’ll get the girl.
There a couple ways you can get investment. You can get it through qualification or breaking rapport.
Qualification is the act of qualifying and screening the girl to see if she meets your standards. She is investing by talking about herself and displaying emotions.
You give cold reads, statements or observations about her, or ask open-ended questions so she qualifies herself and then you can reward her and make her feel good that she’s investing.
Breaking rapport is simply teasing and pushing her away (metaphorically). It creates some friction in the interaction in a playful and non-threatening way.
Combining both qualification and breaking rapport techniques will create an irresistible form of attraction between you and the girl and generate compliance.
Rewarding And Punishing Her Behavior
You’ve either qualified or broken rapport with your girl and now she is heavily investing towards you. Awesome!
She may be talking about how she just moved to the area after you asked her how long she has been in town, and she won’t stop talking about how great she is at her career after you teased her for being a trust fund baby…
Or she starts qualifying herself that she isn’t religious after you playfully teased her for being from Utah and living with a band of Mormons.
Great! Now you reward her!
This will cause her to want to continue investing towards you and showing good behavior by talking about herself and putting effort in the conversation or interaction. Cool, so how do you reward her?
You reward her by giving verbal approvals and physical escalation!
You reward her by the same amount of investment she has given you. You are reciprocating her investment with your touch and praises. You’re anchoring her good behavior with your touch, which she will love.
If she spent a few minutes talking about the time she felt scared and worried when she lost her dog and didn’t know if she would ever find him when she was a girl…
Then you reward her equally by giving her a hug and kissing her on the temple and empathizing with her. You’re comforting her and making her feel good that she is being open and vulnerable with you.
If she doesn’t invest and gives one word answers or breaks rapport with you, then you break rapport with her.
You always want to give her another chance, like another qualifying question after you break rapport so you can reward her when she “redeems” herself with her investment.
Don’t Punish Compliance
One of the biggest mistakes I see new guys and even some people who’ve been in the game for a while, is that they punish compliance or her good behavior.
You never want to punish compliance!
What does this mean? Think about it. Why would she want to continue investing in the interaction or talking to you if you punish her compliance?
For example, let’s say she tells you some deep story about herself and you randomly throw a tease out there to break rapport. That’s a BIG no-no.
She’s opening up about herself and you’re essentially making fun of her when she is being the most vulnerable. She’ll just think you’re an asshole. She won’t want to open herself up to you again and maybe even be more closed off to other people.
Some guys randomly throw out negs or teases at a girl to practice their breaking rapport skills because they want to create attraction.
This can be good practice in the beginning of the interaction when girls may not be investing. You will stand out as this will give her a pattern interrupt and she sees you’re not just some average guy trying to seek rapport.
However, you want to be strategic with your breaks in rapport and only do it when she is being non-compliant or she is breaking rapport with you. Remember to always follow up by qualifying her so you can give her a chance to invest.
Another example of punishing compliance is if she offers to buy you a drink and you decline. She’s trying to build rapport with you and she’s investing her money.
Even if you don’t drink alcohol for whatever reason, you can still ask her for something like a Red Bull. If she asks you why you aren’t drinking, you can tell her that you’ve already had a few drinks and taking a break or that you’re driving.
Another form of punishing compliance is when she offers you a cigarette and you decline. Optimal game would be to accept it and reward her, but this can still be difficult for some guys who don’t smoke.
I personally don’t smoke unless it’s hookah, which I know is actually worse for my health (I just don’t like the taste of cigarettes). I may accept it if I think it’s essential for the set or I’ll say, “Thanks, but I’m trying to quit…” and change topics.
This way I’ve still built some commonality with her that I’m a “smoker” and she may relate because she might be trying to quit too. It also shows that I appreciate the gesture by showing gratitude.
Leading Her Actions
You will be leading your girl as you get more investment and compliance from her. You should always be leading and taking things to the next step once you have the minimum amount of compliance necessary.
Don’t wait for things to cool off and lose compliance or get some unexpected interruption.
She may start getting tired, bored or come up with logical excuses to leave, like she has to get up early or work the next day or her friends might be getting worried about her, etc.
Take advantage of that window of opportunity because she WANTS you to lead.
What are some ways you could be leading her?
Ways To Be Leading Her
There are 2 main ways you could be leading the interaction with your girl. The first is direct intention where you explicitly tell her or suggest the next place you guys are going to or the action you want her to do.
The other way is more indirect where you calibrate and “babystep” the initial intent with a smaller hoop for her to jump through in case she wasn’t fully onboard with it yet. You could also call it indirect intention.
Direct intention is the main goal or action you want the girl to follow or take. This is the quickest and should be the first way you should be leading her by.
For example, after you’ve spent some time with her and you want to move her away from her friends, you could say something like…
“Hey, you seem really cool, let me introduce you to my friends at (isolated area of the venue that is away from her friends) really quick…”
When you get to that isolated area, you could say that you’re friends were there and they’ll be back, and then just start qualifying her. You could also just forward merge into a new set and open groups or other girls with her.
Another action could be that you want to bounce her to another venue that is closer to the sex location so you can pull more easily.
After you’ve told her about some dinner that has really good food earlier and gotten her excited or buy-in about the amazing Steak and Eggs they have, you then bring it up again later and say, “Let’s go to (name of dinner) and get some (name of amazing food).”
You’re not telling her that you want to get her to a private location so you could kiss or have sex with her. You’re not going direct in the sense of showing sexual interest or attraction towards her as in a direct approach.
Direct in this sense, means that you’re intent is to go somewhere more private with her, but the reasoning is unrelated to your intent to escalate on her. The reasoning is just some cool or fun activity where you already got buy-in from her.
Babystepping or using indirect intention should only be used when you’ve already tried direct intention and she gave some resistance because you don’t have enough compliance yet.
You don’t really have anything to lose by using direct intention first because it’s not really risky since you’re not explicitly stating your sexual interest or intent.
You can always calibrate any resistance she has to your direct intent by babystepping after the fact.
For example, say you just opened a seated set at the bar and things are going well. You lock-in by sitting next to her.
After a couple minutes, you want to isolate her so you try to move her to another area of the venue so she is away from her friends.
You tell her you want to introduce her to your friends, but she says she can’t leave her friends. You now have two options…
- Build more compliance by changing topics for a few minutes, raise her BT with a few breaks in rapport and then try again with a different direct intent like, “Hey have you checked out the rooftop (or some cool area of the venue)?” Whether she has or hasn’t, you tell her how awesome it is and get her bought in, and start leading her away from her friends.
- Build more compliance and then babystep by asking her to do something smaller like, “Stand up for a second…” and then lightly grab her hand and stand up with her. You can then reward her slightly by saying you like her heels/shoes, but then give a small calibrater with a slight push with a break in rapport by looking at her to “measure her up” and then playfully shake your head and if she’s short say, “This would never work out, you’re too tall” or “too short” if she’s tall. This will show that she still needs to work for you so she starts chasing. She’ll qualify herself and then you reward her and then go for the direct intention of moving her to another area of the venue.
You can have rapid interaction progression in either direct intention or babystepping, depending on how quickly you transition from one compliance test to another that leads to your goal, which should be a same-night/day-lay.
Just think about whatever reason you can use to simply move her one step closer to the sex location or somewhere more private. Just keep building momentum so you condition her to complying and have her feel comfortable.
Expect to encounter objections as you test for compliance with your girl. Many times you will hear the same objections come up and you will be able to deflect them with logical justifications and put her at ease and build comfort.
You NEVER want to get defensive or needy when you encounter any objections from her. Sometimes they just give objections as an automatic response due to their ASD (anti-slut defense) or they legitimately have an excuse.
Expect it and you will be prepared for it. Most important, you must be outcome independent and just enjoy the experience with her. Sometimes you can just laugh it off or make a joke about it and do the compliance test again later.
Overtime you will start to develop automatic answers that were spontaneous, clever or creative when you first responded with them and now they are in your repertoire so you never have to worry about her objections.
This is also another good reason why you should always write your field and lay reports every night that you go out, so you can look back at all the clever things you said that you may be able to use again in a future similar situation.
Babystepping can be one way to handle the objections, by making her jump through a smaller hoop that eventually leads to the bigger hoop (direct intention), like leaving her friends to go home with you.
If she doesn’t comply with your babystep, then you need to break rapport and tease her to build more compliance and try again with a different small hoop to go through.
For example, let’s say you’re trying to isolate your girl from her friends by telling her about this cool dance floor on the other side of the venue, and you want to dance with her, but she tells you she can’t leave her friends…
Then you could break rapport by saying you thought she knew how to dance and was independent.
She’ll start qualifying herself or you can then ask her qualifying questions to find other good qualities about her so she can confirm and you can reward her.
Then you can try a smaller compliance test and move her slightly away from her friends with some justification like, “It’s too loud, come over here.”
Maybe you can then start dancing a few feet away, and then say, “It’s too crowded, let’s dance over here…” or “There’s not enough people, let’s dance over here…”
The reason doesn’t have to make sense. You just need a REASON to get more compliance.
Compliance Test And Waypoints
There are various compliance tests you must do to progress your interaction through each of the waypoints, and reach your goal. You should always be doing some compliance test to see where her comfort and attraction levels with you are.
You don’t always have to do all of these or necessarily in order, but it helps to practice going through these as they build upon each other and you develop your social intuition and calibration.
For example, you’ll usually move or isolate her first before you kiss her, but you don’t always have to bounce her to another venue before you pull and have sex with her, but bouncing can help her feel more comfortable with you.
You can test for compliance levels early on by rapidly escalating and see how she reacts. You can then build that momentum and see how far you can take it before she starts giving some resistance and you know where you stand.
You should be happy if you open and test for compliance and encounter any resistance because now you know where you are in the interaction and you can calibrate. You aren’t confused if you should go to the next phase or waypoint.
Moving And Isolating Her
Moving her is one of the simplest and easiest forms of compliance to get her following your lead. It’s much easier to get her to move a few feet away from her friends then to bounce her to another venue.
There are different degrees of moving her as well. You can also simply have her stand up if she’s sitting down just to get her used to complying to you.
Like the example from earlier, if a girl is sitting down, I may qualify her by asking how tall she is when she is sitting down. She’ll usually tell me her height, and then I’ll tell her to stand up and see how she measures up and then I’ll disqualify her.
Another simple move is to have her sit down with you if you’ve two been standing up for a bit. This allows you to lock-in and get a little more intimate with her and escalate more easily.
I’ll usually say, “Hey, let’s sit over here. I’ve been standing all day” and just lead her by the wrist and have her sit next to me.
I’ll pick a couch, bench or some seats that allow us to sit right next to each other, instead from across so we can touch each other more easily.
Moving doesn’t mean you’ve isolated her unless you’ve moved her where she can’t see her friends and her friends can’t see her. You can use almost any justification for isolations to get more compliance.
Here is one of the many things guys forget to do or they do it too late so they end up in the friend-zone. You need to kiss her at some point in the interaction to set a precedent and solidify the attraction.
You don’t want to kiss her for the first time at the end of the night and surprise her when you’re going back to your place. It’s better late than never, but you may encounter some last minute resistance. You should kiss before the pull.
If you are out gaming at night than you should be aiming to kiss her on the lips within the first 20 minutes or after you’ve isolated her from her friends for a few minutes. This is a form of gradual progression for the interaction.
That’s not to say that you can kiss her within the first few minutes or seconds if her BT is high enough or she doesn’t care what her friends think. You can go for rapid progression if her mood is right and the window is open.
Kiss her with direct intention by just going for it when she has invested enough. You can always calibrate by kissing her cheek if she rejects you and remain non-reactive and just continue getting investment and try again later.
You can also test her compliance or babystep by talking close to her or kissing each cheek to see if she doesn’t move. If she doesn’t move then she is ready to be kissed. Here is one way to babystep the kiss with a selfie compliance ladder.
Bouncing To Another Venue
Here is another waypoint that isn’t always necessary, but it can make things easier when you haven’t built enough compliance to pull her to a sex location yet.
This can be especially important if you’re new to game so you can build the habit of bringing girls or groups to another venue to make her feel more comfortable going home with you later.
Your goal is to always be moving her closer to the sex location throughout the interaction. If you can’t pull her straight to your place yet, then bounce her to another bar or place to eat that’s on the way back to your place.
This is assuming your logistics are good and your place is relatively close (< 30 minutes) to where you met her. Otherwise you may want to consider pulling her back to a neutral sex location (car/bathroom/etc.) or back to where she is staying.
The less time you have to logically occupy her mind while you’re pulling her, the less likely she may talk herself out of going home with you.
She may want to go home with you in the heat of the moment from where you met her, but then she may start thinking of what her friends will think or she start coming up with objections like she has to get up early for work.
You can deflect these objections by agreeing with her and saying that you can’t stay up late either and that you have to get up early too, but it’s better to just minimize the chances for these objections to come up by pulling nearby.
Your goal should be to go for the pull as soon as possible when you have enough compliance and investment or her BT is high. If you can’t do that, then go for the babystep and bounce her to another venue first.
Remember, you need to figure out her logistics by qualifying and screening her so you know what you’re working with and decide how fast you should close this set.
If she has a flight to catch in the morning or if she has to get up really early for work, then you will have to decide if you can go for a quick pull or just exchange contact information and go for a day 2 while you game other girls that night.
An easy way to bounce her to another venue is suggest going someplace cool or fun nearby and describe the qualities to her to get her bought-in.
You could ask her if she’s been to this bar or diner nearby before. If she hasn’t, then you can give a slight tease and tell her how amazing the place is and she how she responds. You can then give a hint that you guys will go there after this.
If she has been there before, then you can start describing how amazing the place is and see how she responds. If she responds well, then you can suggest that you and her go there after
If she’s not crazy about the idea, then you can take a step back and qualify her a bit more, maybe move her around the venue, find out what other things she may like so you could suggest another venue that she may be interested in.
Pulling To A Sex Location
Your goal should be to pull her to a sex location whether you are out gaming or on a date. The sex location will depend on each of your logistics.
If you are gradually progressing the interaction, then you might go for a pull back to your place or her place.
If you are rapidly progressing, then you might pull to a neutral location like the bathroom or somewhere private that’s near the meet location.
However, the sex location is not always reliant on rate of progression. If things are going well and it makes sense to pull back to your place ASAP, then go for it.
You should have screened her logistics early on in the interaction so you know whether you want to commit the whole night or day to that set or just get her number and find a new set with better logistics.
You should have pre-seeded the pull sometime in the beginning or middle part of the interaction so you can get some buy-in from her for the pull later. It’s best to throw multiple pre-seeds to see which one hits the most based on her interests.
Mention something offhand like about this cool view you have from your new place, these new cocktail drinks you’ve created back at your place, or your new fish tank you got (and then “remember” later that you need to feed them).
Back when I lived in Vegas, we made some jolly rancher vodka and I would show her pictures on my phone and mention we should get some shots later. They would usually get really excited and be down for that.
We also had a fish pond and I may briefly tell her about it early on and then later I would tell her that I had to go back to my place for a bit and feed them.
You can also figure out her logistics and qualify her more by asking clarifying questions about her place so you can pre-seed something back at her place.
For example, when you ask her where she is staying, and she tells you her neighborhood, you can tell her that you heard that area is nice and you’ve been thinking about moving there, and then ask her how she likes it.
Then once you are moving towards the later part of the night, you can bring up that seed from earlier and suggest that you two go check out that thing or do that activity.
Later at some high point in the interaction (after you’ve already kissed her) when she’s laughing and investing where she’s more compliant, you could say, “Oh! That reminds me! Let’s go (seed from earlier)!”
If you have enough compliance she will go with you, but sometimes she may give some objections like she can’t leave her friends or she can’t stay up late. You can address those by saying you two will be right back or you can’t stay up late either.
If she is still objecting, then you don’t have enough compliance yet, so you should take a step back, break rapport, get more investment from her and try again later.
Having Sex With Her
You have 2 options once you are back at the sex location. You can either start escalating right away or you could do the gradual progression and build more comfort by doing that activity from the seed and then calibrate towards escalation.
It’s usually best to start escalating once you are in a private location to see how compliant she is and take advantage of that window of opportunity if it’s open.
Some girls will need more time or comfort so you can just take your time as you do that activity you guys mentioned earlier.
If you encounter any last minute resistance, then take a step back, build more comfort by telling her more about yourself or qualify her to share a deeper emotional connection.
You don’t have to rush things if she’s not ready yet. She already decided to come back home with you so she at least subconsciously agreed to allow the possibility of sex occurring, especially if you’ve already kissed her before the pull.
If she has resisted your escalation a couple times while you’re at the sex location, and you’ve tried building more comfort with her, then you can do the freeze-out.
The freeze-out is where you go full stop and completely stop escalating and start doing other things around your place, like check your email or put on a movie or show that you know she is not interested in.
You do this for a few minutes and if she asks you if anything is wrong, you just casually say that you just gotta take care of a few things or you want to watch this show/movie.
You remain non-reactive and don’t pay too much attention to her for a bit and once she starts escalating on you, then you can start putting on the moves and slowly initiate foreplay towards sex.
This should be used as last-resort option because you can’t go back to any other technique since she knows you will just keep on escalating if she rejects you. You can also go to sleep with her and try to have sex with her in the morning.
Now you know how to build compliance with the girl and lead her towards sex.
Get investment by rewarding her good behavior with verbal praises and physical touch. Punish her bad behavior by breaking rapport and never punish compliance.
You should always continually be testing for her compliance throughout the interaction by going through each of the waypoints that will bring you two closer to the sex location.
Aim for direct intention at first and calibrate with babysteps if she’s resistant or non-compliant. Make her feel good that she is complying by leading her and you both will have a great time.