Love. What is it and does she truly love you? Is there such a thing as true love? You may be seeing this girl and have deep feelings for her, but does she feel the same with you? Or maybe you want to win over this amazing girl and have her start having feelings for you?
Defining what love is and how to win over somebody’s love is an ancient question that has been asked since the dawn of time. Philosophers and even scientists have been debating what love is. Is love just an emotion, brain chemistry or a Night at the Roxbury?
There are a few theories on love. I like the different viewpoints from people of different backgrounds, particularly between the physicist and psychotherapist. The physicist talks about it from a biological perspective while the psychotherapist talks about more of the historical meaning behind different types of love.
The physicist distinguishes between the emotions of lust and “true love”, or attachment and bonding, as different chemicals being released in the brain. Lust is a temporary increased release of hormones such as testosterone and estrogen. Love releases a bunch of chemicals such as pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin.
The psychotherapist explains how the ancients categorized love in different ways. Philia is close non-sexual love between close friends and family. Ludus is more of a playful affection or flirting. Pragma is developed love that has grown over a long time between couples. Agape can be thought as love for all humanity. Philautia is love for yourself. Last but not least, eros is sexual passion and desire. If eros does not change into philia or pragma, it will fizzle out.
Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson illustrates a new conception of love and explains how people only experience love when in the presence of another person. She calls it a “micro-moment of positivity resonance”, sexy huh?
A love study showed how people who practiced loving-kindness medication experienced more love, compassion and connected with other people and understood their needs and desires more easily. The results were pretty impressive that she was even invited to present them to the Dalai Lama in 2010. You can read more about her interesting work and insights on love in her book: Love 2.0: Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection.
Love does not have to be some abstract, mythical and confusing concept because it isn’t. If you want to attract a specific woman, you don’t necessarily need to be love with her or have her fall in love with you. Depending on what you’re goals are, you can just have a same night lay or casual fling by just creating enough attraction through breaking rapport and escalating. If you are really interested in the girl and want to develop a strong connection, do some deep qualification her and get a lot of investment, share personal stories about yourself and create memorable experiences with her. Over time your eros might develop into pragma. What are your goals for love?