Anhilitating Approach Anxiety

man at bar with approach anxiety

Have you ever had that feeling before you approach a girl?  You know, that slight adrenaline rush, anxiety, that fight or flight response.  You see this gorgeous girl in the distance and your self improvement and replication side urges you to approach this seemingly unattainable beautiful specimen of the opposite sex for the possibility of creating an amazing relationship.

Yet, that other dreaded feeling kicks in… you start running all the possibilities in your head… “She’s out of my league, she must have a boyfriend, I will look like a creep or stupid if I go talk to her, she will laugh at me, her friends will laugh at me…” the list goes on and on.  This is the well known approach anxiety (AA) that is the bane of any aspiring PUA to learn pickup.

When I first got into game, I got sucked into it to the point it nearly consumed me… and not in a good way.  I read nearly every PUA book out there, every blog, every forum, watched every video before I even began approaching because I wanted to learn everything there is to know about game and pickup theory so my approach would be perfect and game would be flawless.  Haha, what a noobie I was.

Wasting time reading everything is the worst way to learn about game as you will be drowning in this sea of information with no frame of reference to make any practical use of it.  It’s like reading every book on math from basic addition to calculus without ever taking a test and finally taking a final cumulative exam.

When I finally thought I knew enough to do the approach and get the girl, I would get ready to go out and drive my car and then park next to the venue.  I would  literally freeze in the car before I was within any distance of any girl or set.  I would read over my notes in my car to refresh myself and try to get into state and time would be wasted flying by and the anxiety just got worse.

Today, some of my fellow wingman say I don’t have any AA because I approach nearly any set I’m interested in or open any set requested by an observer.  They cannot believe I ever had AA.

In order to suppress AA or totally get rid of it, you need to find the method that best works for you in the beginning and your AA will naturally lessen as you get better in game to the point you don’t need to rely on these methods anymore.

The main contributing factor to AA is the fact that guys are not living in the present moment.  They are too focused on bad past experiences and projecting that onto possible bad outcomes.  The reality is, past experiences have no bearing on what will happen with another different girl (or the same girl!) you haven’t even met yet.  OK, so how should you live right now?

afcs with approach anxiety

There are a multitude of ways to live in the present.  Meditation works for some people because it helps you focus on having an absent mind, relaxed breathing yet at the same time, being totally aware and conscience.  Though, this may not be practical everywhere because you might need a quiet space or you don’t have time to do it.  If you like dancing, you can go on the dance floor and have fun to build up your state and also it helps you focus on present moment and task.  I wrote a post on dance floor game in detail.

There was also another method that I was taught while living in Vegas with my wingman and coaches, which was to approach 50 sets ASAP to get myself out of my thoughts.  This was not easy for some of the aspiring PUAs in the house to do.  I wanted to do it to just prove that it can be done and to get positive reinforcement from my wingman.  This in turn helped me get over AA because I was focusing on completing a short term goal with no expected outcome.

You can also have fun and try to get blown out of set.  This will help you experiment with different approaches and if you get blown out, you accomplished your goal while at the same time learning game.  You will soon realize that it can be difficult to get blown out and you will actually start hooking sets because they will see you are a fun guy and don’t care what people think.

If you really want to get good with women fast, you need to take action.  There is no easy way to get over AA but to condition yourself to live in the present moment and get out of your head.  Find what works best for you and roll with it and remember to have fun!

Once you start creating good experiences from your approaches, you will then want to start approaching more.  The anxiety from approaching will fade away and you will actually start to feel discomfort if you DON’T approach.  This is the tipping point that will create a snowballing effect where it will accelerate your game to levels you never thought possible.

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10 Replies to “Anhilitating Approach Anxiety”

    • Thanks for the feedback mate! Let me know if you got any questions or topics you want me to cover. I enjoy writing these when I get an idea or inspiration.

  1. Pingback: The Approach – How to Open | Will Edward

    • Pre-open all the sets in the venue and then go back to the one that was most friendly or receptive. If you live in a small town or have venues with not too many sets, do the best with what you have and open as many as you can.

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